small kine update

hello my blog :)

just a quick update on my life for reference if i'm in a rut again

everything been goin at a decent pace.. kind of tired of working at Apple, but happy to even have a job just the same.. been goin to the gym more so than I have in the pat, and i can really see/tell the difference.. maybe i wont be a twig for the rest of my life :p.. stil waiting to hear back from the Hawai'i air national guard if a linguist position ever becomes available... i think if i dont hear back by the end of this month, I'm gonna go a different route.. but in the en just gotta trust and have faith... alrighties, gym time! woot woot!

This weekend

wasn't that bad actually. took a little time to reflect on myself, went to a birthday party, went to church again :), and then hung out with some friends at Mai Tai's. Best part of the whole weekend. absolutely no alochol was involved on my part and I still had fun :D Yay me!!

New Beginning

Hello my blog :)
sorry Ive been away for a little while... just have been busy lately.. thinking about things, and makin decisions.
As you should know, Easter was about two weeks ago... and for easter, instead of goin to my church... which I must admit I haven't been to in two months, I decided to go to church with one of my coworkers.... and all I have to say is it was AMAZING.. I laughed, I cried, i just felt Gods spirit embrace me completely.. and it was so wonderful.. i haven't felt that way in a long time which made me realize.. and I hate to say it, but my church is boring.... really boring.... does that make me a bad person? am I goin to hell for saying that?.. i feel so bad b/c the people at my church are really nice, but they are just so much more older than me that i can't relate with them at all.... i feel out of place... so last sunday i went to my friends church again.. and again it was great..  The pastor talked about being a friend and what being a true friend really entails.  He said being a true friend is not the one who stands strong all the time, but the one  who is willing to open themselves up to you during their most vulnerable times so that u can stand strong for them as well.... this is an area i'm lacking in because I dont like showing my weakness to others... i dont like opening myself up... i dont like being vulnerable...I know Ive lost many of chances/opportunities because of it esp in the relationship field, but I just can't make myself do it.... :/.... I'm a very closed/secretive person...I know this... in fact the whole reason I made this blog was to have somewhere I could express myself, to a limit, during those vulnerable times while not having to let anyone I know be aware of my weak condition... no one i know has any idea i have a blog and I planned on keeping it that way..... but I guess if I'm ever going to start opening my self up to others, I first need to open myself up to me... so here goes.........

I put on the facade of being a very happy-go-lucky, mr. positive person in public, but in reality I'm am the complete opposite... i feel so sad and so alone... I have many of ppl I call my friend, and I'm always surrounded by people, but I have never felt so alone in my life as i do right now.. i feel like I have absolutely no one to talk to, and I know it's my fault because Im so afraid of the pain I might incur if I make myself vulnerable to others that I choose shut myself out from the world and just deal with it myself... but I'm tired... so tired... I need you Lord.. more now than ever before.. I can no longer carry this weight alone... help me become a better man, guide me and show me the way, because i truly know that with you all things are possible.

Today I turn over a new leaf :)

one of my favorite gospel songs



the korean version!! it's awesome!!!

But then days it's days like this

That make me ashamed....:/

It's Days Like Today

                             I feel very fortunate ad blessed to live in Hawai'i :)

                            

                       Time to start putting myself down for mistakes I've made...
         The past is the past... can't change it, so I just gotta forgive myself and move on...
                                                  easier said than done.....

Some Girls Are

really dumb....they have everything I would think a normal person would dream of, and they throw it away over a  miniscule, and frankly stupid reasons... Take for example my friend...whom I w'Lisaill call Meg for this blog post. So this weekend was my birthday.. woot woot... and to celebrateMeg's sister,  "Lisa" , decided to take both me and another friend out for a night of debouchery... not really, but we just like saying debouchery :p... anyways...first place we go to Meg is already there waiting for us, and with her is this drop dead gorgeous guy...like I dont think Ive ever seen a guy as incredibly handsome as him before in person .. So we hangout out, talk story and tell jokes, all the while I can't stop looking at this guy b.c he's so gorgeous & he's sooo sweet n' nice.... later Meg and I run off to go grab some pop, and the first thing i say to her is, " Meg, this guy is amazing, he is a def keeper" to which she responds " eeh... he's too nice..."......................
too nice.... really?? are you kidding me??.... so u prefer a guy who calls u names, puts u down, and kicks ur ass all the tiem instead??... she continues to say " like i'm a christian and all, but he really loves God.. he goes to church every sunday, he doesn't drink, and he reads the bible all the time"... Now in my mind I'm thinking....so pretty much you're telling me he could possibley be the closest thing to perfection God will allow on this earth... he's gorgeous, finacially stable, he's incredibley sweet and nice, not boring, not a douche that thinks he's the worlds gift to mankind, and he loves god.... i dont understand what else you can ask for....if he were gay i would be in love with him no questions asked... at that moment i really realized that what ppl say about girls is really true.... they always say they want a nice guy to sweep them off their feet, but when that guy is standign right in front of them, they turn their heads and go for the douche instead and then complain about how they only get/attract douches.... but i digress......
It did get me thinking though... are gay guys like that too? I know we can tend to be shallow and materialistic... but would we let a really good guy go b/c he was too nice???... I guess I dont really hang out with enough gay guys to know b/c I'm so open to all kinds of guys from all walks of the earth, that their shallowness and materialistic ways annoy the hell out of me... blah... maybe i'm just weird... i dunno...
                                                  In other news....
I really want to go to Redbull Flugtag this summer because yes, one of my life's goals is to see people in their homemade flying machine attempt to fly, fail miserably, and plummet into a big body of water....safely of course :)... still waiting on the to post all the dates up... it will be a deciding factor on our summer trip :p

OMG OMG!!

Redbull flugtag is gonna be in Denver this year!!!
you have no idea how much I've wanted to go to one of these... it's seriously on my bucket list.
the date for Denver hasn't been announced yet, but I pray to god that it's gonna be when i'm down there...
muh... I'm so excited at just the thought of possibly being able to go!^^




HOw could you NOT want to go to this???????

I want a hooded scarf....

and not just any hooded scarf.. one with like dog ears on it :p

does that make me weird?

uuumm...

My spanish isn't perfect, but I think I was just given homoerotic cat
calls from the Mexican construction workers in west Hollywood.... :/

Joey Allen Willoughby

I just dreamt

that I had a lifetime supply of sweethearts tarts... i think I might have an addiction yall :/

LA of Denver?

seems like an easy question right?  I mean what gype wouldn't want to live in LA?  it's the hot spot!
all the good shopping,nice restaurants, awesome nightlife, art, fashion, him... point being LA should be an obvious choice in the category of places Joey should move to right? I thought so too, and was pretty much set on moving to LA later this year, that was until about almost 2 months ago... the day after christmas i think it was actually.... first it just started with me meeting really really nice people from colorado, visiting for the holidays, and telling me how nice it is there... then my pops (:p) called me out of the blue and started talking about back when I was in 3rd grade and we use to live in CO and how he loved it there and if he didn't live in VA, he would totally live in Denver... my coworker who transferred from Denver saying that if it wasn't for the fact that he needs to be near the ocean, he would've lived in denver for the rest of his life... and it's been like that pretty much everyday since then....

along with that, looking at apts/condos in Denver, i could get a really nice 2 bedroom place to myself for what I pay for my half of the rent in this small, not that nice 2bdrm apt I share with someone else right now!


is God telling me that i should move to Denver? i don't know anyone in Denver at all though.... but I guess i didn't know anyone when I moved here either.... I dunno.... going by faith hasn't let me down yet... I got a lot to think about, but Denver has become the new focus of my attention

PS.. me and my fried are gonna go to denver this summer probably.. my friend is so cute, i told him my situation and he was totally like "oOo you should  go check it out this summer, i;ll go with you :)"

PPS.. If anyone in the Denver area reads this, hit me up yo!.. let's hang out.. i need to make CO friends :)

For Some Reason

My cat feels that he must follow me to and from the bathroom everytime
I go shi shi...no matter how deep of a sleep that he us in... so much
so that if I happen to sneak by him a couple of times without him
waking up ( he always wakes up when I come back), he'll actually lie
on top of me and sleep there so he won't miss the next time.. it's
kind of cute actually, I won't lie :)

under appreciated...

I am so incredibly pissed off  right now... i don't even know where to start...

So the other day I was feeling kind of down and out..... thinking about a lot of things... and it was making me a little depresssed... so I'm at work selling them ipods and imacs, but obviously not into it at all... but not once does anyone show any kind of concern as to my current well being.... like not even a are you ok... not that i was looking for attention... but when someone you care about is obviously not in a good mood, i would think you would show at least a little concern... I know I  am always there. listening to people problems and trying to cheer them up the best I can.. but when I am the one who needs cheering up, not one person came to me, which made me even more depressed..

Then finally, like a blessing from above,  in the middle of the day, a friend texts me and says " hey Joey, how are you feeling? everything ok?" so I think, " oh wow, someone here does care about me :)" and it cheers me up like you wouldn't believe... like finally, someone is taking the time to see how I am doing.. so I send him this medium length text about how I've had better days, and that I'm not feeling as happy as I usually do... to which he replies " Oh, that sux...I'm sorry...can you still get discounts on the dr. dre beats headphones?"

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?...................................

I just spill out my current state of depression to you and all you have to say in response is can I get discounts on headphones???

Obviously this made me sooo pissed off.. i didn't even reply to him because if I did it wouldvr been on the line of " are you kidding me right now, i just fucking tell you i'm depressed and all you care about is some fucking headphones... FUCK YOU!!!!"(lord, please forgive my language, I'm just so ridiculously angry right now, forgive me please)

He has since sent me a couple more text to which I have also yet to respond to b/c I have nothing to say to him right now..... but it got me to thinking...

when have and of my "friends" ever genuinely asked how I am doing?

when have any of my "friends" every called/text me just to say hi?

when have any of my "friends" ever even pretended to care about me?

I am ALWAYS there for them

I am the one who is up at 3am trying to help them get over a break up b/c there was no one else to call, even though I have work at 6..

I am the one the always turn to to ask favors for b/c Joey is "Mr. Nice" and he'll sacrifice what current plans he might've already had to try to make everyone happy

I am the one going out of my way all the time

and what kind of appreciation do I get in return?

i am the one everyone calls when there is no one else to talk to

I am the one who is at home the entire weekend alone, and no one, not once, calls and asks me to hang out, even though I see from FB that all of my "friends" are goin out and having a good time

I am a pushover, no one cares about me b/c they no I wont say anything.... I wont let them know how upset I am that I'm the last person to get called to do anything....

I'm a christian, so I'm"Mr. Nice" , and as "Mr. Nice" everyone just takes, takes, and takes, b/c they know I'll give.. they take advantage of me and my niceness... In short, Im just something they go to when they need something

but no one  gives to me.. I have to do everything by myself, no one ever asks me if I need help, no one ever thinks about me,, I'm just... a slave pretty much.. there to grant their every wish on demand.. and when I can't, or take longer then they like.. they get mad at me.................

but you no what... that's over.....

I'm done being Mr. Pushover

I'm done trying to please everyone

I'm done giving all that I have to people without even a simple thank you in response

I'm done...

that's my speal for the day.....feels good to get it out :)

                                        My First photoshopped picture :)

Yesterday was

one of the best days I've had in a good 2-3 months :)

why, might you ask, was the day in particular, better than the days before?

 I went and hung out with one of my coworkers all day!
He was such a gentlemen :)

first he insisted on picking me up, to which I gladly obliged... we went to the Navy Exchange over at Pearl Harbor b/c he wanted to try to find something for him and his gf's anniversary, but we ended up just looking at shoes and racquetball stuff the whole time.

After that we head over to Kyoto Ramen because he wanted to show me a "good ramen restaurant
" in Hawai'i :p.. I wanted to tell him that me being all about learning as much as I can about different cultures in the world, have been to Kyoto Ramen before, and it's not the best on the island... but he was so excited to take me there I didn't want to ruin it for him, so I just smiled and pretended to be excited about it....Luckily for me Kyoto Ramen has really hours where they in the middle of the day between lunch and dinner, So instead I took him to what really is one of the best ramen shops in Hawai'i, Goma Tei :)... if anyone ever comes to Hawai'i... the island of O'ahu  to be exact, you have to go to Goma Tei and Tenkaippin Ramen... they really are the best ramen shops on the island... but back to the story... but back to the story... so yea, we went there, and he was amazed by the ramen just liek I expected.
when it came time to pay for the bill, he insisted on paying... not that it was expensive... but still...I got kind of annoyed and kind of angrily said to him "UGH!! WHY ARE YOU BEING SO DIFFICULT?!?!"  to which he respneded in a calm manner, " it's my treat for you saying yes to being here with me today"

Talk about uncomfortable.... I mean what are you suppose to think when someone says that to you?? esp. a guy with a girlfriend???... I will say that it definitely shut me up.. all I could do was put my hands in my lap, smile and say thank you...

After dinner it was off to Ala Moana to do some window shopping :)
Had a blast! I did end up buying this really cute hoodie jacket from express, but in my defense it was one sale and it was the last one! I gotta work with him on his fashion choices  b/c he very determined to buy all of his clothes from only one store AE...... not that there is anything wrong with AE, but c'mon.. talk about just blending into the background...

Last we went to Jamba, where he again insisted on buying my drink and we just sat down and tolked for about an hour or two... then he took me back home and asked me if I wanted to go to the movies next weekend... of course I said yes.. so we agreed on a tie and parted ways


I know what you're thinking.... oh Joey... don't fall for a straight guy, and yes, he is straight,  just cuz he's nice... and don't worry, i'm still head over heels for this one guy, who I will be seeing in 24 days :), but it was just nice to be treated so nicely, like ur special, u know, iono... maybe I'm just so lame that the little things like that make me all happy inside :p

On another note... I'm getting betetr at taking pictures! i took a whopping 3 this time!!

Goma Tei Ramen.. mmmmm :)

                                                  Hooray for Matcha Greentea Blasts and Chocolate Moo's (?)

                                                      Like me, he hates taking pictures, so I sneaked one when he wasn't looking... thank god the iPhone isn't obvious when ur trying to take a picture

Information by Darren Soloman

I enjoyed reading and listening to this so much I had to share: 



she closes the lid
and unplugs the device
no bigger than her thumb
from the computer.

My lifes work, she says. But, it isnt her lifes work.

You see, we store information like an Escher painting.
It shouldnt all fit in there. But, it does.
And every day we manage to fit more and more into smaller and smaller spaces until one day
she says,
we will be able to fit all the information the world has
everything that everyone knows and believes and dreams
into nothing.

It will all be there. Stored and filed.
Tagged with any keywords you might imagine.

Our hard drives will be thin air.

They will make nanobots look like elephants.
And elephants will be in there too. Tagged. Accessible with search terms
like grey, ivory,
and the largest land dwelling mammal

We will process away at nothing and understand everything.
We will think of a word and the information will slip in, not through our ears or eyes
but straight thorough our skin. Information will breathe in and out of us,
permeate our skin.

Our knowing will be as deep as it is wide.
You see our work here is to learn so much,

to be so full of knowing,
that all there is left to do is unlearn.

Humanity must get to a point where we let go.
We leave the useless ideas and the spent ideologies in the recycle bin.
like an adolescent brain shedding neurons.
like a snake slithering from its old skin.
like an old man who has come to understand so well the point where reality meets the intangible that he is able to decide which breath will be his last. And, he will enjoy that breath more than any that he has taken in his entire life.

And, her lifes work is more than a four meg flash drive.

My lifes work, she says, is the impact that this has.

This is not about what I produce. It is all about what others receive.






There is an insanely awesome colab vid at  www.inbflat.net. if you haven't seen it yet, you need to check it out!

I've realized today

that I need to take a lot more pictures...

I have like 40 pictures total in my iphoto library... thats it.....

I've decided that from now on I will take my camera with me wherever I go, even though it's small kine humbug

                                       this is one of the cooler looking pictures that I have

The "N" Word

Nigger, is possibly the most stupid word on the face of this planet....

The other day I was having a discussion with some of my friends about about what my opinion on the use of said word is.... probably because I'm pretty much the only black person on this island, and probably one of the only black people they know personally


So what do I think, I think it's a stupid word, and I think anyone that would this 5-6 letter word, depending on how you say it, make them go crazy and act out in violence because of it is just that, a dumb and ignorant nigga....


Now I know I might seem harsh, and uncaring by say that because this word has been used for hundreds of years to keep all americans of African ancestry down... but those times are over, and it's time we start acting like adults and not little kids... it's a word people!!! that's it... nothing more, nothing less..

 Now I'm from a small town in Virginia, the only black family in my subdivision, so yes I have been called a nigger in a derogatory fashion  more than once in my life.... my response.. well I usually look at them like they're retarded, laugh, say something sly like " really, thats it?" and walk away. Now some people might ask why I would let anyone get away with saying such a word to me, but that's just it.... it's a word..

It doesn't define who I am

It doesn't choose my life

It has no precedence in anything I do

yea you could be like ur typical "ghetto" and act a fool, but then what.. first you'd be doing exactly what they want because the only reason anyone ever uses that word is to try to get black people to act crazy, thereby making them look like more of the victim... and if you do act... then what... someones son, daughter, mom, dad is in the hospital, or even worse, dead because you couldn't "let that little white boy get away with calling you a nigga to your face" and now your stupid butt is in jail getting butt raped by three guys in the back, while the other two in the front knock a couple of you teeth out so let you know what will happen if you try to bite down while they shove their cock down your throat.... but hey, at least you still got your pride right?

I dunno, that's just my two cents.. maybe I'm being insensitive, but to me it's 2010... it's time to stop letting words like that control us so much because as long as you let it get a reaction out of you, then people will always use it to try to keep you down....

but like I said, that's just my opinion... if anyone reads this I would love to hear what you think as well

sorry, just had to get that of my chest...

Xiaobae

is what my new name is gonna be :p...

Funny story, so today I'm out hanging with s couple of my friends, just having a good time when one of my japanese friends that I havent seen in i feel like a year walked by us, to which i responded in japanese, " Hey!, Don't walk by me like you don't know me!!" she turned around, and liek a typical japanese girl, got super excited, which made be super excited... so we talked for a brief tiem and when I was done i went back to my other friends I was hangin out with. First thing said when i get back, " I't's so weird seeing you speak japanese...like it throws me off like crazy"... is it weird? i dunno... i guess i dont think much of it... i mean I'm not fluent in japanese, so most of my japanese caonversations are like a 50/50 of japanese and english, and because I'm in Hawai'i.. wehere like everyone speaks a sencond language I feel like sometimes, I think I've just come acustom to it... But then I remeber back when i was first getting decent at japanese one of the things I use to LOVE to do was go to a store with one of my japanese friends, and when i say japanese i mean from japan, thick accent japanese, and pretend I didnt speak a lick of english.. oh man, talk about HILARIOUS!!.. now of course we make sure that there's no one there that speaks japanese as best we can before we do this... but we would just walk in casually, and me looking way more like the persona that can speak english, they would usually talk to me' first, to which i woudl laugh, nod, and walk away, and when they came around again, my friend woudl say "oh, he can't speak english at all" so he would say whatever they said in japanese to me, and i would respond to him in japanese.... man, the look on peoples faces...priceless... you could totally see the "are there really black  people in japan that only speak japanese" puzzled look on their face :p... butr yea... back to the point... what if my name were something suuuper asian, like Dok-Yun, Masayuki, or Xiaobae... I wonder how people would react? I know now  when I speak japanese, some people will swear up and down that they see the asian part of me, and when I tell them I'm not asian, they tell me i shoudl chack my family history.... yea....  that's it... On another note,  I now realize that i really shouldnt write these things late at night after a 9 hour shift at work because it just comes out like blah and I am waaay too tired to go back and change it or try to give some sort of order and construction... yea... sorry for those who might read this... I swear I'm a better writer... at least I think I am...

First Blog!

Hello everyone out there in the Blogger world,  welcome to my Blog site :)  I'm actually kind of really excited about this. there's sooo much  randomness that  goes on in my head sometimes :p , so yea, warning before you start reading.. some of my blogs might just a bunch and blahs about the most random things ever... and some might be all over the place... but if u can get threw it, u will enjoy them, and maybe even laugh a little... but since I dont  think anyone will even read any of this anytime soon, and because here on the aina  it's like 11 and I have to get up soon to go to the gym before work, I think I'll just say alohaz and goodnight :)

come back soon, my next one will be more entertaining, i swear

shoots!












                                                                                
                                                                                
                                                                    My cat Boyfriend, 可愛いだね？